Who plays on your landscape and does it matter?
You have chosen values and qualities you are committed to bring to your Relationship Landscape. Additionally, you have determined qualities for the culture in which those relationships function. The next question is, "Who is in Your Landscape?"
Often we think of male/female,Soul mate, happy ever after partner when the word Relationship is used. However, a healthy and balanced life requires a landscape with a variety of people in your circle. Some are at the edge, some are a few steps in while a few interact with us in the center.
The cashier that you see a your grocery store would be at the edge of your Landscape. Your movie buddy would be several steps in. The friend that is always there for you is close to the center. And of course, the one which whom you are in committed partnership is at the center.
Rosan says it well in her 1 8minute TED Talk, Building Connections: How to Be A Relationship Ninja.
Another question comes up in our interactions with others. "How can I trust him/her?" Or, "Will it be safe to open myself to him/her?"
We have the question backward. The question ought to be, "Can I trust myself to follow my intuition as I open myself to this person?"
What? Trust yourself rather than trust the other person?
You are the one who has determined how you will act, what character qualities you want to interact with and the culture, energy environment, in which you will relate. You are the one to discern the alignment.
For several years I taught at Apple Preschool, an amazing school. During the year, Teresa, the owner, would bring out an empty jar and a box full of colorful pom-poms. For one week, the goal was to notice when a student was kind to another and tell about that kindness at circle time. For each notice, a pom-pom was put into the jar. When the jar was full, a class party celebrated the kind actions in our school community. The kids loved it!
Now, you and relationships. How about beginning with an "empty jar". The goal is to add a pom-pom, some use marbles, as the measurement, every time you notice YOURSELF take action on an intuitive feeling. The feeling might be that something is "off", not comfortable or constricting with another person. Or the feeling might say, "I like how this person treats others." When you act to move a person toward the edge or initiate actions to move a person closer to the center, you put a pom-pom or marble in your jar.
Develop your muscle of discernment. Your action might be to spend less time with someone who leaves you drained. It might be to spend more time with another who leaves you laughing or inspired. The action might be to move a person off of your Landscape. Your intuition might lead to a friend who loves movies as much as you do and regular movie nights.
Trusting your own sense of what is right for you is what keeps you safe in relationships, not trusting the other person to be that guide.
Draw a circle and put your current relationships on the Landscape as they are. Sit back and consider, "Does this Landscape match what I have chosen?"
Now, the next step, bringing the Current Landscape into alignment to your Chosen Landscape is up to you. Rearrange the Relationships to match your criteria and intuition.
You may need support as you bring that shift into your world.
Many blessings with this task